Wednesday, October 22, 2008

“When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself.” -Nancy Friday













Okay, So this evening I'm taking a page out of my cousin's blog and writing with my emotions about my Mother. I love you Momma! Enjoy!



In life there is only one person who we can call mother. My one person is Mary Ellen. SHE IS WONDERFUL! But sadly, I used to not think that. I used to feel like we would never ever get along. That we were never on the same page. About the time that I had my oldest daughter Becca. I started to have this itch. You know the kind. The in the middle of your back, you're all alone in the house, and by George you can't reach it by yourself. itch.

Slowly it began to grow. It began to get worse.



When my youngest daughter Megan was born and her first birthday passed. I finally realized what was missing. It was about that time that I had that AHH! feeling. My mother was missing and the itch was scratched. I made the leap and began to slowly put myself in her shoes.



I realized that she did love me, that she did want me, and that I was important to her. That what I perceived as a child did not have the same perception as it did now that I was an adult. I realized just how much I wanted or even needed her in my life. I look back sometimes and realized who much I missed out on by behaving like a child. I missed having her in the delivery room of both of my girls. I missed having her there to cry with when I lost my first child. I missed having her in the bleachers to cheer me on, on Senior Night. I missed the bonding over wedding plans. But then I realized that you can't go back and start over. And that you can't keep looking back. One day you have to start looking at the here and now. That you have to look forward.



Because you know what she was with me. She was there with me in the hospital room when I lost my baby. I know this because without her presence I wouldn't have understood that God has reasons for everything. She was with me in the delivery room when I had Rebecca and Megan. She was in my head yelling "You CAN do this. Just don't give up!" Otherwise I don't think I would have made it. She was there on Senior night sitting in the bleachers of my heart cheering me on. She was there for the wedding plans. Just look at the photos. There are pieces of her everywhere you look. Right down to the dew drops on Matt's boutonniere.



She has always been there. She was with me when Megan was diagnosed with MPS VI and later when she was diagnosed with I-Cell. She was with me when I thought that I couldn't handle anymore. It was my Mom that told me to get up and go on. Life wouldn't wait for me to say okay I'm ready. She told me that I had to be there for my family. She is the one that made me unselfish. Because she too is unselfish. She gives and gives and seldom gets recognition for her gifts. She is a wonderful woman. She is an absolutely wonderful Mom.


“When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself.” -Nancy Friday


Hugs~


Grace

Sunday, October 19, 2008

To My Beautiful Sister and My Beautiful Cousin.....


"Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember its true, someone somewhere is thinking of you." author unknown


As most of you know, I love quotes. I like to look up a quote for the day. It's part of my morning ritual. So as I sit here at 12:49am, unable to will sleep to come, I decided that what the heck it's morning mine as well go and blog. I found this quote almost immediately. And my thoughts turned to two beautiful women. Who have found themselves with only Bill and BOB in there lives. Both of them assuming that they will wind up spinsters. You know the type, 20,000 cats, scary old house, and kids who RUN down the sidewalk ready to put as much space b/w them and the CRAZY CAT LADY as the can.


What these two women fail to realize is that love takes it's time to come into our lives. Some people find true love early only to lose it too quickly. The ones who have to wait for love seem to have it until their last day on this earth. I used to be the girl in high school who could never have a truly lasting relationship. (of course it was HIGH SCHOOL) But I continued on with my life. Enjoying the wrong guys until the right one came along. Funny to think back on that now and realize my one true love was there the whole time. It just wasn't our time until years later.


I am a firm believer in not to go looking for love. Let it find you. Because trust me ladies it will and when it does it will be worth the wait.


You both have so much to offer someone. And said person will realize how extraordinary you both are that they will never want to let go. So don't settle for Mr. Wrong or Mr Right Now because in doing so you could let Mr Right slip right on by. Stay open to the possibilities that life has to offer you. Go through life with your heart as open as your eyes are.


You both have been blessed with lovely babies (though they aren't babies anymore). Trust me when I say to cherish them, throw your lives into them. They will keep the bad thoughts away and make you laugh so much you won't think about crying. You won't have time to think about what you don't have or what you think your life is missing. The kiddos will keep you sooo busy that you won't have the time to think about lonely.


Until the day comes, remember this: “Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember its true, someone somewhere is thinking of you"

Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn.


There is something about fall. Maybe it's because my birthdays' in the fall or because we pass out free candy to the kids (which only get to be eaten once I've ate my faves out of it). Or maybe it's the way that life has a way of dying in a beautiful way. The leaves of red, orange, then brown, We love the beauty of it. Is there Irony there? We think it's most beautiful when it's dying away. I know that Winter is the reason. And without fall and winter then the joy of spring cannot come. Still fall is my favorite. I don't love death. I don't think I love the beauty of it. I just love the idea that those that die beautifully can be reborn. I love to focus on the postives of the life we're losing. Without the positives we would not be able to move on after death. How would we realize that catch phrase " They are in a better place now " if we didn't find the positives in death. The ones we love no longer suffer either from disease, an illness, or they no longer have to deal with the injustices in the world. Maybe I'm morbid for I like to watch the leaves turn. I like to see them fall to the ground. I like to see the branches freeze in the frigid cold of winter. I like to rejoice in the new buds that are born in the spring. I like to see the end of suffering. Sometimes life can short change us, we can catch a raw deal. but all we have to do is look for the beauty in our world around us. Sometimes all it takes is the time to sit and watch the leaves turn.


Hugs,


Grace

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Hurry up, there is someone knocking at the front door. OK, I'm peeing as fast as I can


First off I have to say that I love animals all animals. I love some more than others but nevertheless all animals. So as you read this do not harass my love for my Fatty Patty Lily Loo Boo.

As I mentioned before Lily ate 3 of Matt's arrows. Well, heck yeah I yelled at her (conspiracy theory stills runs through my head). She was lying in my bed when I let it rip. Apparently she had the pee scared right out of her b/c low and behold my bed was wet. UGH!! Oh well life goes on....

PSSST- Matt bought more arrows today LMAO

So Megan is home sick today, with something going on. Don't know exactly what it is but with kids and school who knows what it could be. So I give her Tylenol like a good Mommy and send her on to play.

About 20 mins later, I hear this sound. It's loud, it's wet, and I think OH NO SHE DIDN't. I Yell for Lily, Well duh it's not her cuz she's right beside me. I then hear in this little anxious voice (over the sound of a waterfall) "Mommy, I'm peeing, why am I peeing?" First the toenail, the dizzy spells, and now peeing?

I said "Did you hold it for to long?" "No, I didn't even know I had to pee"

And then she went on her merry way to go and play.

Don't worry I called the Dr and the Vet updates to follow
Quote Of The Day-
Hurry up, there is someone knocking at the front door. OK, I'm peeing as fast as I can

Hugs,

Grace

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Friends Welcome Relatives By Appt. ONLY


HAPPY FALL Y'ALL!

Okay so today was one for the record books. Two of my extended family members had a blow out. I managed to stay calm and keep my nose out of it! Wee Haa!

To me, fighting with family isn't worth the effort. Family is always gonna be there. Get used to it, get over it, and move on. Life is way to precious to spend the days fighting. We fight for a lot of important reasons. If you're gonna fight then fight for a good reason. Megan fights everyday with ML. She's not backing down. We fight cancer with chemo, we fight infections with meds. WE DO NOT FIGHT WITH THE PEOPLE WHO WILL BE THE ONE DECIDING WHICH NURSING HOME TO PUT YOU IN.

I for one would much rather prefer to be in an expensive nursing home. With digital cable and a DVR. I would like ice chips when I want ice chips and the bathroom when the need calls. I will preach this to my children everyday. I will smile when I am angry (thinking to myself diapers, food, and dvr). I will try not to criticize, belittle, or put out my opinions of the pink hair to aggressively. Children have memories, I want my girls to be of a nice but tough momma who always had kind words and an open home. BABBLE BABBLE BABBLE Just don't fight. Speak calmly and rationale will follow.

The flip side of my day.......

Megan's big toenail came off. We don't know why, how, etc. It's bleeding. Can't help but wonder if it's a muco thing. Rebecca was goofing off and fell. Megan laughed so hard at her that she peed her pants. Gotta love em' Lily ate 3 not one not two but THREE of Matt's arrows (6 cost him 120 so she had a 60 dollar snack) He was NOT pleased. But he wanted new arrows anyways (I wonder if they conspired against me on this lol) Other than that the day was pretty good. Come on DFAS we wanted the day to be great. Oh well maybe tomorrow.

Quote of the day

"Friends Welcome Relatives By Appointment"

HUGS Always
Grace

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Living With I-Cell


On September 30th, 2008 the final diagnosis came back. Megan has I-Cell. Other wise known as ML II. She is doing well considering the news. She is in Kindergarten and loving it!! She struggles but with time and consistency she should be doing better. We are so so proud of her!
Since then Megan has been to Cincinnati Childrens. They thought she may have had an infection in her Port-a-cath, but she didn’t. We met the staff from the STAR Center for Lysosomal Storage Disorders. I am still optimistic. We have found a wonderful peds Dr in Hillsboro. Hopefully things start running smoothly. I will update when I have updates.

Till then....

Hugs,

Lissa

Past Blogs

Hello Everyone! WELCOME! This is my final blogging spot. (I promise (I think) haha) Here is a link to the original website. I figured with a new diagnosis a new page. So if you're a new friend and want to catch up here it is: http://meganmps6.googlepages.com/

Hope Everyone is Well!

Hugs

Lissa