Friday, January 9, 2009

The Great American Childhood......

Okay so usually I have a quote of the day that I start off with but this subject has been on my mind lately.

Looking back at my childhood. From the age of 4 (which is my earliest real memory) till I was 18 I guess I lived a pretty sheltered life. I knew what drugs where. I knew that saying NO! was what was expected of me. (Sorry to the parentals when you read this) I also knew that experimenting was going to be the only way that I would say no if Saying NO was the right thing to do. So that's what I did, I experimented. But not with the hard core stuff that is around now. To this day I could not tell you what Meth even looks like. Does that make me naive? Or just plain stupid. I remember my first Rx for pain meds. MAN did that mess with my head or what?!?! BUT the thought never crossed my mind to take it for anything else other than for pain. Actual pain. Not the pain I thought could come but the pain I had in the here and now. I never thought to use it as an excuse or to get through a tough time in my life. The concept to me was never there. Now a days in the rural town where I live. The town I am now raising my children in, there are no more talk of pot. Not the smell of a joint burning. No sick sweet smelling aroma. No I look around now and see people who literally look like their face is going to rot off (Meth). Or they look so blitzed that you'd have to be really dumb, really blind, really high, or really Fenian not to see it. Even little ol me know what streets to go down to get the good stuff. So if I can see it and I can't do nothing about it what about my little girls. In 4 years Rebecca will be the same age I was the first time I tried anything. That scares the shit out of me. Do I want my baby to turn in to the people I see every time I walk into the gas station or the grocery store? It's so bad that when I go to Moo's kindergarten pick up I know which parents are on and which ones are off, and which ones never ever touched the stuff. If I can see, why can't society? Why aren't the police, who are supposed to protect and serve, getting this shit off the streets? Don't tell me that cigarettes and alcohol are the same. I know that Nicotine is a drug. And the smoke causes cancer. I know that alcohol is a drug, and it causes cirrhosis of the liver. I know that pot cause cancer and loss of brain cells. Please don't criticize me I know this. But I also know that in many states all three somewhat are legal.
What I do know is that time and time again, I see people sell their food stamps for pills. I see little kids who are hungry. I see kids whose only real meal come M-F. They get breakfast and lunch and that's only because the school provides for free. I see people who would spend their last dime on percs (percocet) and let there baby go with out diapers. It disgusts me! And it breaks my heart. I would give my last breath for my children. I would never put my wants and needs above theirs. How can people do this. I used to love this town. I used to love being able to walk out the door without locking it. I used to feel safe with my kids playing outside. Not anymore. Not when the fear is out there walking and lurking in the shadows. The fear of drugs and what they have done to my little one horse town. The fear of strangers not stealing my child but stealing from my child to feed there own habit. I hide Megans meds in my house. There is only one other person who knows where they are. I don't trust anyone else anymore.
When those that you love would steal food from your fridge but sell their food stamps to feed there habit. Would you trust anyone? How could you? I feel like piss testing all the parents at the school just to see if they would pass. How many do you think would? There are roughly 70 kindergartners at Peebles Elementary. I would say that maybe 25 would pass and that's including myself.
I am afraid for my children's childhood. I know that they can never have it the way I had it. I know that they will experiment. It's human nature. You tell someone the stove is hot they don't believe you till they blister. I also know that when the days comes I will have the talk with my children about Saying No. And praying that if they do try it they find they don't like it. Because if they do like well I will try my damnedest they don't end up like everyone else.